we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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