apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
