My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
