roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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