I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
