we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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