Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize