Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
where are my eyebrows?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
