i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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