Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize