Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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