I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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