Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
this is an emotional support booty call
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
