Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
