I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
