My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Terrible idea I love it
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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