my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize