she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
