Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
