Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
