hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
