brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Let's paint friendship bongs
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
