He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
