i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
