I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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