And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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