yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
