At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
