Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
