I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
