Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
