Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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