So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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