i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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