So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm at about main and main street
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
