Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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