All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
