I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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