It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
there is glitter all over my balls
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