its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
