Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
