I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Are my feet made of real feet?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
