My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
