maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
