shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
