I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
they're like a gay fantastic four
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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