Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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