I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Randomize
