And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
