I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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