It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
