It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Randomize
