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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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