At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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