I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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