Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
