this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
3pm strippers are depressing
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
