ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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