Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
