if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
