No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
