you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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