between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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