:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
