I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
