just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm too high and old for this...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
