I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
