you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It's never too late to be topless.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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