I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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