I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
