i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize