There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
we're so committed to being not committed
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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