So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
