We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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