Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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