ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
