I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
