I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Green mimosas i think yes
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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