i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
