That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
