God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
