I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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