my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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