Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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