The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize