1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
