My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
