you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
