PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
