If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
