Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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