A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You left your phone here
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