Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
