I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
