Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
