Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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